This week we have some pearls of wisdom from the gorgeous ladies Bella and Reb from The Parent Collaborative, a Parenting Consultancy business in Bath delivering courses, workshops and one-to-one sessions to parents, schools and businesses.
All behaviour is communication, so whatever your child is doing right now, it is their way of expressing what is going on for them and that might not be about the ‘lockdown’. They may simply have fallen out with a friend who hasn’t messaged them or maybe they really didn’t like the way a sibling reacted. We do know that there is an added layer of anxiety for everyone at the moment, children included, and their behaviour is always the barometer. If we were to ask you, ‘when do you worry about your child’, each parent would have a different answer. You know your child better than anyone else.
For some of you that quiet person you see on a daily basis, may have suddenly become the disruptive one – not an easy thing to handle, as a parent who is already having to juggle so much, especially when you may have come to rely on their ability to be the ‘calm one’. For others, you may be seeing your noisy, loud, ebullient one turning in on themselves. Each family and each child is different, the main thing is that you’ve noticed a change. They are trying to tell you something and they may not even realise that themselves.
There’s no point trying to deal with the behaviour as it is happening, especially if it is negative behaviour which it generally is, because it’s so much easier to get attention that way – wouldn’t we all love to have a serious, screaming tantrum!! Oh, the release that would give us!! Wait until you are all feeling calmer. Ignore the behaviour (unless it is life threatening or dangerous) and go to them as soon as they calm down or, for the quiet ones, when they come to you. Acknowledge their feelings or expressions, ‘I can see you’re really angry…worried….scared…’
With everything that is going on right now there are bound to be flare ups but, know that these are most likely coming from a place of vulnerability. Everyone is a bit scared, and for a variety of reasons. Treat them and yourselves gently, you all deserve a huge, metaphorical hug, these are extraordinary times.
If you’ve got any questions then send us an email – we really mean it, we’re here to help and with 40 years combined teaching and parenting experience we want to be able to make your life just a bit more manageable. We want to support you. Take care, you deserve support, you’re coping with SO much.
Photo credit: Brett Jordan